Wife in waiting…
I just received a long message from a young girl who essentially said she was tired of waiting for God. She now felt as if God no longer loved or favored her because she had no husband. She said she sometimes felt like turning to other gods because she had received no solution with the Most High.
When I read her letter, I could feel her pain and I could see that she felt shame at not being married and I was touched. I prayed for the words to say to touch her heart and I shared them, but this young lady was so beaten down that she could not hear it. She felt she had become a laughing stock.
I still pray for her.
I pray for her like I pray for every single woman waiting on God for her mate. Sometimes it seems like the wait is long. You are bombarded with images of perfect weddings and romantic love and it seems everyone is having fun but you.
I know how that feels.
Then the deceiver whispers into your ear.
God doesn’t care about you; He is too busy solving other people’s problems.
Your expectations of a Godly man are unrealistic, isn’t it enough that he is good.
Keeping yourself pure doesn’t make sense in today’s world. God understands and will forgive.
So what if he is married, there aren’t enough men to go around anyway. After all our ancestors married two wives, it is even in the bible.
My sisters, don’t be deceived.
The devil is the great tempter. I have seen many a woman of God fall into the trap. How do you escape him? Resist him and he will flee. Fortify yourself with the word of God.
When he says that God doesn’t love you…Remind him of Psalm 145 vs 17.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and loving towards all he has made.
When he says that it should be enough that a man is good…tell him what Proverbs 21 vs 2 says.
All a man’s ways seem right to him but the Lord weighs the heart.
When he says keeping yourself pure doesn’t make sense…Challenge him with 1 Corinthians 6 vs 18
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
When he tempts you to accept being a mistress or polygamy of some sort, show him that the bible talks about a man who is to be in charge should be above reproach and the husband of one wife, and if he needs a reference tell him to look in 1 timothy 3 vs 2 and Titus 1 vs 6.
Marriage is not the end all be all. What is more important is your salvation and anything that threatens it should be avoided, even if it is the so called love of your life.
That being said, while marriage has its blessings, ultimately it is a ministry. Which means it is work. Have you seen ministers who because of their impatience do not wait to hear from God when they start their ministries or start making compromises with their daily walk…you will see their ministry fall and sometimes in a disgraceful way!
If you are single, shout hallelujah…because you still have a chance to do it right. I know so many women who have rushed into marriage and didn’t wait on God and now as a result are shedding blood for tears. I myself have used my fair share of handkerchiefs and now I can tell you firsthand, take this time and prepare yourself, it is crucial to your success and your happiness.
If you are impatient now, then you are not ready. Wait and develop patience; this is one of the most important qualities needed to be a wife. I myself struggle with impatience and I am being forced to learn the hard way and you don’t want to do that because my darlings I can assure you it can be painful.
If you don’t know who you are and cannot stand firm, you are not ready. Do you know who you are? When you get married, you will come face to face with all your insecurities and you will have someone who knows how to show them to you. What will you do if God forbid, your husband starts to attack your self esteem, and don’t think this is far fetched. Many men when they are dealing with their own insecurities lash out at their wives, it is human nature. If you are insecure then what will happen is that when he says something hurtful out of his own hurt, you will be so damaged that you won’t be able to see it for what it is, simply an extension of his own pain. You won’t be able to call that lie what it is and turn around and pray for him. You may even let your persona be damaged and that may prevent you from walking in purpose. And please don’t sit thinking, well, me I will marry a perfect man who will not hurt me. Was David not a man after God’s own heart, yet he committed adultery and murder. Was Solomon not the wisest king, yet we know that he so desired women that he married several foreign wives who eventually turned his heart away from God. If you get derailed by your husband’s weaknesses, how will you be of impact in the world?
If you are concerned about being a laughing stock, then you are not ready. What about the woman married to an unfaithful man, who knows God will change her husband and will use his life as a great testimony, yet daily she is confronted with the pain and humiliation. Consider Hosea, who was commanded by God to marry a prostitute and who questioned the paternity of two of his children. If that happens to be your lot, what then? If you cannot stand because the world who knows nothing is laughing at you, what use will you be as a wife and as a woman? Even in the world it is happening, Did Hillary not face ridicule, did Elizabeth Edwards not rise up from her bed where she was fighting cancer to stand and face her mockers. People may laugh, but if you align yourself with the King of kings then you laugh best.
If you don’t know how to pray, you are so not ready. Go and learn, because every home is under attack. Even if you marry the godliest man, you will have to pray him and you through and to your destinies. Temptation is on every side, whether it is money, women, whatever. You have to be able to stand on the word and speak life into your home and more. We battle not against flesh and blood but powers and principalities in high places; the word says we battle, it does not say that we might battle, so this battle is a given constant. Ephesians 6 says put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. Do you know what the full armor of God is? Forget about getting your figure ready for the wedding gown? Are you ready to do battle? Are you ready to go to war?
Now is the time to prepare, my sisters. Thank God you are single, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart. God has kept you from making a mistake. Marriage is designed for a lifetime; just imagine a lifetime of marrying the wrong man. Imagine fighting alone what you are meant to fight together. Imagine if you find yourself battling not just the devil’s schemes but those of your husband. Imagine the worst, now thank God for making you wait for the best. It is best to wait on God, wait for the perfect fit for you; even a woman, who buys a dress that doesn’t fit because she didn’t have time to try it on, is uncomfortable, when she tugs and pulls and it never looks quite right. How much more a husband that doesn’t fit!
Don’t worry that everyone seems to be getting married, they can all shop off the rack if they like, but as for you, you will be wearing couture, handbeaded with grace, a heart cut just to fit yours, with a fabric of love so strong, it can withstand the test of time!
As always,
Be well.
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Once again, you speak to my situation. Thank you for your insight and wisdom.
Thank God! My dear, Thank God.
And you speak to my own situation too. Thank you, thank you!
I want to believe I’m ready but I guess I am not. That on its own can be disheartening but with Him, I will get there.
(I hope.)
GNG, You will O! And don’t be disheartened! Rejoice, because I promise you a little waiting for the right time is better than rushing into the wrong relationship that will impact you for a lifetime.
When I was younger, I thought all I had to do was fall in love with someone who loved me. Now I am older and wiser and I realize there is so much more to the story. Have you ever been in a fight when you weren’t prepared, or had a pop quiz when you hadn’t studied, by the grace of God you can come out on top, but it takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears. So my darling…be happy, now you have time to study…now you can gather your weapons…and you will be prepared to make the right decision at the right time, with the right man, and you know what…you will be prepared to enjoy all that marriage has to offer and deal with anything that might come along!
Thank you once again for this inspirational post, as always i seem to wonder to your blog when i feel lost. Rite now i am bugged by the fact that i am not married, at 1st i was certain that i wasn’t ready or prepared to be a wife so i shunned marraige proposals,now that i feel ready i only come across men with issues and frankly speaking i am fed up. Every now and again i call on God but the pressure of waiting is getting to me. I still believe and have faith that my time will come, i guess at this point i have to remove the doubt that creeps up randomly.
Naija babe, first of all can I just say that I appreciate your words of encouragement on my blog post. I pray to God everyday for people to encourage and build me up, and you were truly like a blessing from God. May you continue to be blessed!
And I really do love this post, it does hit home. I do feel the occasional twinge of not being close to married but one really needs to prep themselves and man I think that sin of sexual immorality is one of the greatest challenges that we youth face but as long as God is with us, we will overcome!
Thank you.
I read this post a little while ago but it wasn’t until a few days ago that i “really read it” if you know what i mean?
Why does a womans desire to get married always has to be viewed in some way as idolatary? You often hear amongst christians “marriage is good but don’t make it an idol”. A woman only needs to say that she wants to get married and suddenly shes seen as desperate or shes making an idol out of her desire but what i don’t understand is why if a woman shared her desire to have a baby no one would say that shes making an idol out of her desire to start a family. No one would discourage a woman from praying fervently even daily, for an unsaved family member. And we’d applaud intense and passionate faith for the healing of a friend who was dying of cancer but let a woman have the same passion for a husband, it looked upon as idolatory.
I’ve been reading some of the replies to this post and i can already see the very thing that the “don’t desire marriage too much or you make an idol out of it” warning does which is creating a silent longing for something that God has created everyone to enjoy. Its a silent longing out of embrassment that if you even talk about wanting to get married for 5 mins, you’ll be seen as idolising it.
A woman has a right to desire marriage just as we have a right to eat food. See 1 Timothy 4:1-5.
I love what Original Mgbeke said about sexual immorality. It is the hardest thing that any single has to deal with which is why the harder or longer it takes for a woman to get married, the more likely she is to accept cultural counterfreits such as engaging in pre-marital sex or self-centered singleness and endless youth, all of which is idolatory of the heart. This is why in 1 Corinthains 7:2, Paul talks about why we should get married. A biblical marriage is the antidote to idolatry such as lust, sexual immorality, greed and evil desires.
Also marriage is a picture in the flesh of our relationship with God. It provides a sneak insight to our eternal union with Christ, being married enhances our union with Him so why should a person not desire that or think anout it (marriage) too much?
i needed some serious uplifting when i came across this site, like everyother commentator, your article kinda mirrors my life, sometimes i feel like am okay waiting other times i allow the devil to whisper rubbish into my ears…but in all things we are more than conquerors. If we could only see into the furure, we would realise that there is nothing to worry or be scared about, truly Gods time is the best, for every woman that has been praying for a man, God has already provided even before you realised your need.
I have read the comments. My advice to the young lady is this, if you wnat to get married, go after it passionately fervently ,,,IN THE WORD! Look for scriptures in the bible that describe a good man and a good husband. Go to Song of Solomon..apply the scriptures to your flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone. Begin to call him forth. Don’t just sit there longing for him..Begin to speak him into existence. Don’t you know the Word of God must go forth and accomplish that for which it is sent. Don’t you know you shall eat good by the fruit of your mouth. Open your mouth. To be married is a very very good thing indeed. It is not good to be alone. However the word of God is quick and powerful, sharper than any two edged sword..nothing is hidden from it (paraphrase. The word of God will seek out your husband and begin to form him into the image of Christ. The Word of God will begin to wotk on that husband to be of yours, changing him to suit you perfectly. He will then be a blessing from God, and believe me, they add no sorrow. There is such a marriage that if founded on the Word of God will be much easier and will not reuire so much warfare. Don’t you know that your flesh of your flesh and bone of your bone is one flesh with you and you have authority to speak to his fleah and it must obey? The WORD is the solution. Open your mouth girl and let the word draw that man in!!!